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Taoiseach de na Arach Glas
Foghladha
Taoiseach de na Arach Glas
  • GW2: Foghladha.2506
  • ESO: @Foley
Posted On: 03/27/2015 at 10:08 AM
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Hey Everyone,

It's been awhile since I had to make a post like this but since we do have about a thousand new members since the last one I figured it would be a good time to post this friendly reminder. 

In the heat of battle, you might feel anger and rage creep up your spine. This is not because of the man or woman next to you, it's because of the situation you find yourself in. The players standing next to you are in the same situation and succeed or fail they are your companions on this adventure. The one way to ensure 100% that you will fail is to break the bond of brotherhood and toss a dagger inwards towards your realm mates. This dismantles the morale, sidetracks the mission, and adds animosity to the mix which is the #1 killer of accomplishment.

I ask that you focus on the real enemy in this situation, which is yourself. The rage and anger you feel can be controlled, and used as fuel to propel you further. Don't let it seep out and affect those around you. As Gaisicoch we have chosen the higher road. This means that forgo acts of rage and anger and replace them with acts of kindness and understanding.  Remember The Gaiscioch Way, and be true to who we are. As long as we bond together, no foe will ever defeat us. Defeat comes from giving up. Our brothers and sisters will sure that we never give up. We continue to fight, we continue to stand together. Don't let temporary feelings destroy everything you've built.

Hatred, Resentment, Anger, Rage. These things have been bestowed upon you to keep you from achieving greatness. They are the destroyers of accomplishment and progress. If you have any hope of succeeding on digital battleground or in real life you've got to learn that they are the real enemy and as long as you let them control you, you are a slave to failure. Stand tall, be brave, and put the best foot forward. Defeat these emotions and nothing will stop you.

Foghladha

"It's not the loot and accolades you walk away with, it's the memories and friendships that you cherish forever." - Foghladha
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Response:

Bandraoi de na Griobhta Dubh
GmaFog
Bandraoi de na Griobhta Dubh
  • GW2: GmaFoghladha.1853
Replied On: 03/27/2015 at 10:43 AM PDT
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Amen to that.  This is all a learning experience for many  and we want to build each other up not tear our bond apart. Encouragement brings us all closer in the heat of battle.

When life throws you a curve ball, hit a home run! - Gma Fog
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Laoch de na Iolair Dearg
Lakshmi
Laoch de na Iolair Dearg
  • GW2: Lakshmi.5941
Replied On: 03/27/2015 at 10:50 AM PDT
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"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."  -- Maya Angelou

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Ridire de na Capall
Valin
Ridire de na Capall
  • ESO: @Jvari
Replied On: 03/27/2015 at 10:52 AM PDT

A side suggestion if I may - if there is a conflict or hot emotions running it is always best to privately discuss the issue, just the individuals involved. 

More often than not this can lead to a stronger bond between those people when done with an open mind - much like in school the kid you had a fight after class with ends up being your good friend.

And never underestimate the power of an apology, it takes a huge step of strength to admit when you are wrong.  Those who admit their mistakes and take responsibility for them are to be respected since the norm sadly is to deflect or project.

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Ban Caomhnoir de na Fhiaigh Buí
BananaPancakes
Ban Caomhnoir de na Fhiaigh Buí
  • GW2: meanddubby.3471
Replied On: 03/27/2015 at 01:09 PM PDT
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I've also found that if you're involved in an activity that regularly causes you to become enraged or frustrated, it is best if *you* step away and do not return until you've learned some self control. I know it can be hard to curb one's tongue when that upset (I have a 13 year old who suffers from Hulk sized gamer rage) but it IS possible. No game is worth risking a life long friendship. Whether it's a friendship you don't know you're making or one you've already established. Family can be tough, but family is family. 

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Laoch de na Iolair Buí
Sekkerhund
Laoch de na Iolair Buí
  • GW2: Sekkerhund.3790
  • ESO: @Sekkerhund
Replied On: 03/27/2015 at 02:53 PM PDT
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In short: If you feel that someone makes a "mistake", you should wait until an appropriate time to discuss it with them.

"When is that?", you may wonder.

Example:  Due to my considerable experience with siege warfare tactics and strategies, I'm guilty of "criticizing" others without really meaning anything negative, my intent is to be helpful and instructive while the event is still fresh in our minds, but believe me when I say that the appropriate time is not "right then"... its later.

Keep in mind that PVP is an adrenaline sport, tempers can flare and even if yours is not and you really do mean well, your "help" is often not well received, due to "heat of the moment".

So just suppress your comments, save them for a later time when you have a more amiable atmosphere for recapping an event.  It really is hard, because you want to help, but I've learned to control myself and you all can, too.

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Fili de na Ulchabhan Corcra
Clanorton
Fili de na Ulchabhan Corcra
Replied On: 03/27/2015 at 08:21 PM PDT
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truth be told here

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Tiarna de na Iolair Corcra
Jairone
Tiarna de na Iolair Corcra
  • GW2: Jairone.6270
  • ESO: @Ytterin
Replied On: 03/27/2015 at 09:15 PM PDT
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There is some great advice here.
I'll add the following:
1.  Don't be afraid to clarify.  Sometimes things get taken the wrong way, so ask what they think you meant, and let them know that you made a mistake in presentation.
2.  Step up and lead.  Often, somebody doesn't know something, so instead of leaving them with critical remarks, take a hand in getting it done right.  For instance 'We need to do X.  Let's focus on Y as a target.  Attack Y now.' works far better than 'Z is screwing this thing up, Z don't do AAWXY.'  If there is already a leader, do not override them, but ask them about it in private.
3.  Don't be afraid to learn, or to forgive errors.  We all have things we can learn both in game and out, and we all make errors.  Let us each be willing to accept that in each other, helping with the first, and forgiving the second.
4.  Do take a break if you need.  Simply let everyone know you need a little afk time, and come back when you are ready.
5.  If you are somehow offended, do let the person know as stated above... in a private manner if possible.  Always keep chat calm and kind, and if the other person is unwilling to work with you to resolve the issue pass it up to the leadership nice and quietly.
6.  Ask questions!  We have been having a blast teaching people about ESO that haven't played before, giving tips and answering questions.  Often a question can accomplish what heated words cannot, and can save the drama for tv!

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Ban Lorgaire de na Iomproidh
Naroesta
Ban Lorgaire de na Iomproidh
  • ESO: @Aerinc
Replied On: 03/28/2015 at 08:44 AM PDT
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I know that I am very quiet in-game and most people don't know me; I tend to be a loner when playing, but I enjoy the company of guildies when they're around, and I like chatting with everyone.  I've been here a couple of years now and feel I have a pretty good lay of the land as far as Gaiscioch mentality goes, and I have told non-guildies in-game over and over that the only way you will ever get me to  leave is to pry the guild from my cold, dead hands.  I've had my share of terrible past-guild experiences, as I'm sure most everyone else has, and I appreciate all the work that Fog and the other leaders put into this environment to make it the wonderful, comfortable place to "live" online that it is.  Thanks for everything you all do, and to anyone reading this who is new, you've made a good choice for your new gaming home.  Welcome.

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Ban Finsceal de na Iolair
Morigana
Ban Finsceal de na Iolair
  • GW2: imagetaker.6807
  • ESO: @Morigana99
Replied On: 03/28/2015 at 03:50 PM PDT

If you don't know me - you are about to learn a little - if you do know me - then you will understand.

I study eastern, western, old world shamanism.   One of the prime principals is that we are all interconnected and what energy one might give off affects everyone around them whether it is internally confined or let out for the world to see.  By changing the way you feel you can change the way others feel.  You might say hogwash - or you might understand... a conflict between two can quickly become a conflict between many or what might have escalated into a fight is now diffused.  

It is not an easy thing to do by any means but only you truly control your own emotions - your emotions are a reaction to what you feel has happened around you and you - yes you - chose to be upset, mad, angry, happy, sad, love, hate, thankful... on and on ... in bad situations you can chose not to feel what might normally be the appropriate emotional response - unless you are a sociopath and then none of this means anything to you any way. 

I stated it isn't easy - but you can turn a bad situation good, a good situation better, or a better situation great and while the adverse is also true we hope it never goes that way - but it might.  We all have the power not to let it; we have to use it.  We might not like the way someone handled something but a true leader will make suggestions on how to improve what they did - not criticize them for doing it wrong.  People in the Family are known for being helpful and getting people better at their game and sometimes at their life - that is why we are a FAMILY!.   

I can't count how many times Fog has yelled, "Morigana you've gone too far get back here."   or, "Morigana you're going the wrong way".... It was never "Hey, idiot what the hell you think you are doing"  or "OMG, you just got us all killed you 'bleeping' no good 'so-n-so' "   He also usually addresses us as a group, not singling any one individual person when our group fails by stating "We need to do it this way - it will work better".  Not say "Morigana just got us all killed hopes she does *this next time!"   If something someone says doesn't pertain to you - then don't take it as if you did - you know what you did and if you need to improve then try.

That is why he says - "Be careful with your words".... there is a way to help people without criticizing them - by making suggestions for improvement.  It is a psychological fact that as soon as you insert negative connotations into a statement that the person or group of people you are dealing with will either - tone you out or become defensive and either way you have lost them.  People are here to have fun.  Take the fun away and they will stop coming which is what we don't want.

If you do take it to a private conversation - the same  rules apply.  Be cognitive of your tone - either with your voice or your written word.  Positive reinforcement is always better than negative berating.  Be a teacher not a destroyer... be a leader not a tyrant... please be a voice of reason not a doomsayer.

Lastly... remember that sometimes the most powerful words are those left unspoken.   (Take a deep breath and then hold your tongue - you can stop the impending unraveling of a group - or a partnership - or a marriage by simply not uttering a single word.)

Safe journey.

 

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Tiarna de na Capall Dearg
papo64
Tiarna de na Capall Dearg
  • ESO: @papo64
Replied On: 03/28/2015 at 05:32 PM PDT

maybe i am wrong but in the heat of the moment i try and remember it is just a game and fellow family members are trying to have a good experience.  in my experience this is best handled by letting a lot of freedom rather than dictation, but this has to be balanced with plan so this can mean you know a boss is in the next room so a quiet word to everyone to group up outside the room and tell the new people what to expect a loose battle plan and then fun for everyone.  i also try and let people know that dying is not the end as others will resurrect them and after the battle we check if anyone failed to get an achievement, with the quiet assurance that we will be back for those that missed it.

 

hope this goes to the core of what the family is about, please correct if wrong, you only learn from your mistakes.

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Laoch de na Ulchabhan Dubh
Ravenwood
Laoch de na Ulchabhan Dubh
  • GW2: Ravenwood.6314
  • ESO: @doc_restless
Replied On: 03/28/2015 at 06:27 PM PDT
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I thank you Fog for your kind works... I find this to be a great ally dealing with a real world issue that I have come across and I will wrap your words around my heart so I may over come the things that are in front of me for I feel all the darkness you were talking about and I know I am a loyal person and my stand strong to face this real world issue with a strong mind and not let it destroy what is in front of me with the people I cherish very much.. You are a great leader and I'm glad you posted this I will always keep this in mind from gaming to the real world for it is the greatest way to overcome things that we may not understand... but try to understand..

 

 

Thank you greatly from the bottom of my heart...

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Seaimpin de na Capall
SnowRaker
Seaimpin de na Capall
  • GW2: SnowRaker.5367
  • ESO: @Graewolf
Replied On: 03/28/2015 at 10:26 PM PDT
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Well said!  Thank you Fog, for that reminder.

One touch-point I have learned during 20 years as a parent is that when people (including our own children, our friends, neighbors, co-workers, family members, random drivers on the road)  do things differently than expected/desired, when frustration and anger seek to rise up, ask yourself: "If this is the worst thing to happen today, will it still be a good day?"

I'm 57 now and every time I ask myself that question, the answer is always "YES"!!

 

Graewolf

"Run when you have to, fight when you must, rest when you can." Elias Macheras, The Wheel of Time novels by Robert Jordan
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Banlaoch de na Griobhta Dearg
Briseadh
Banlaoch de na Griobhta Dearg
  • GW2: Briseadh.7386
Replied On: 03/29/2015 at 05:12 AM PDT
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I've been with Gaiscioch since 2009 with one little hiatus of a few months between Warhammer and Rift days.  I immediately came back when I found them to be on Rift.  Why?  Because of the family values.  It's these values that get us through crazy emotional moments of all kinds.  Is it easy?  Hell, no!  Worth it?  Definitely!  Look at what we have here and what this community has done since Fog created it.

The fun part is we all tick a little differently, but working together that gives a synergy to do far more than the sum parts.  That is why in several games we have managed to pull off things others have not.  This is why in the games were the PvP has let us, we have been able to mop up the battlefields even in some really tough battles.  This is why we actually have "enemies" from past games still loving that we were there to give them something to fight.

We are a Family team!  Everything we do together is going to find each others rough spots and may that friction smooth things out and make us all stronger as individuals and in turn making Gaiscioch even greater.  =)

Now if I could convince a few people in one of my current RP guilds of how this works, it would be awesome, but I have to deal with a leader that lets his fear get the best of him.  ::chuckles::  I have fun there, but the longer I live and game, the more I am SUPER GLAD I am a GAISCIOCH first!



» Edited on: 2015-03-29 05:14:22

Don't mess with Mama Bear, I might hug you too tight. =D
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Seaimpin de na Iomproidh Donn
Neoyoshi
Seaimpin de na Iomproidh Donn
  • GW2: Neoyoshi.4136
  • ESO: @NeoyoshiAeth
Replied On: 03/29/2015 at 06:35 AM PDT
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Love one another i say, and when you can, throw in a Sneak-hug.

 

"Sneak-hug!"

 





» Edited on: 2015-03-29 06:41:38

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Seaimpin de na Ulchabhan
Dirkdaring
Seaimpin de na Ulchabhan
  • GW2: Runeslinger.9482
  • ESO: @DirkDaring065
Replied On: 03/29/2015 at 09:26 AM PDT
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  Yep I`m semi guilty of this  as Seeker stated , I too have  several decades of experience with tactics used in siege as well as just normal stragey games to include reading a few  books on it.  mostly dealing with small scale diversion and misdirection tactics to confuse and split up your enemy.

 

 A lot of times I`ll offer alternate suggestions as possible tactics we can employ while out in RvR  but it`s not meant to say whowever is leading is wrong, or anything, I just throw out a couple of other choices out there, and let the leader see what other options  are aviable to decide on, as someone times another may see something or have an idea you hadn`t thought of. 

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Ban Finsceal de na Iolair
Morigana
Ban Finsceal de na Iolair
  • GW2: imagetaker.6807
  • ESO: @Morigana99
Replied On: 03/29/2015 at 03:17 PM PDT

I love the "Sneak Hug" ;)

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Caomhnoir de na Iomproidh Donn
Ceadda
Caomhnoir de na Iomproidh Donn
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Replied On: 03/31/2015 at 07:43 PM PDT
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I want to bump this thread as Bri and myself just addressed an issue in our ESO Chapter... We want everybody to enjoy their time in game, and request everybody stick to the family way that they agreed to upon bearing the family name of Gaiscioch. We don't want any drama over this but repeat offenders will be addressed. The Elders do keep watch on this stuff as well as older members of the family.

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Taoiseach de na Arach Glas
Foghladha
Taoiseach de na Arach Glas
  • GW2: Foghladha.2506
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Replied On: 04/03/2015 at 10:29 AM PDT
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Bumping to make sure everyone reads it.

"It's not the loot and accolades you walk away with, it's the memories and friendships that you cherish forever." - Foghladha
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Ban Caomhnoir de na Fhiaigh Buí
BananaPancakes
Ban Caomhnoir de na Fhiaigh Buí
  • GW2: meanddubby.3471
Replied On: 04/03/2015 at 10:44 AM PDT
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I read it. A couple times. :) I have anger issues. Hence why I keep my mic on mute when in WvW. I can then yell to my hearts content and offend no one and cause zero disruption. And when I've had enough, I graciously bow out and go do something else. 

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Banlaoch de na Griobhta Dearg
Briseadh
Banlaoch de na Griobhta Dearg
  • GW2: Briseadh.7386
Replied On: 04/03/2015 at 04:17 PM PDT
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Yeah, that was Tuesday night.  I wound up missing out on a good 20 minutes of what I was trying to roleplay with a group working out the best way to deal with said person.  All I know is that by the time it was over, they decided to leave the guild, but by then I know of 5 people at least that had to put her on ignore until she either fixed her act or left.  

ON A GOOD NOTE......

That was the first time I had to actually deal with something like this in MONTHS!  Yes, like last year even.  I'm so glad this only happens when we get an influx of new people and usually settles down fast as people realize what we are.  =)  Thanks to the entire Family for showing the world a great way to be a community!

Don't mess with Mama Bear, I might hug you too tight. =D
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Banlaoch de na Iomproidh Dubh
Aoibhe
Banlaoch de na Iomproidh Dubh
  • GW2: Aoibhe.8073
Replied On: 04/03/2015 at 08:40 PM PDT
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I like to re-read my Credos from time to time, just as a reminder to me on how I am expected to act with the family and with others.

Like all great travellers, I have seen more than I remember, and remember more than I have seen.
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Ban Finsceal de na Iolair
Morigana
Ban Finsceal de na Iolair
  • GW2: imagetaker.6807
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Replied On: 04/06/2015 at 02:52 PM PDT

I am going to relate a story which also just might make you stop and think about the words you use and the tone of your written words or your voice.

I play Call of Duty - have for years since my grand kids begged me to start playing with them like 4 years ago.  Occasionally, due to my play style, I get called out by some young whipper snapper who has too much testosterone floating through their system.  I camp and snipe - protecting flags in the Domination scenario.   Most of the gung ho types don't like campers - they prefer to run and jump using speed and fast guns in an attempt for as many kills as possible.   Whereas I wear dark outfits, take all of the stealth perks I can and sit in dark corners waiting for the enemy to attempt to take the flag I am protecting.  After I kill one or a group I change corners like any good sniper would.  One night I killed the same guy 10 times - he was not happy.

Anyway... after one such outing I was called a "slut... who need to buy some balls... and stop playing like a 10 year old".   I had an appropriate response about being a 63 year old grandma and everyone isn't 12-24 who plays the game - some of us actually use strategy to make up for reflexes.

AND this is the point ... you don't really know who is on the other end of your comments... a possible tirade that you might be throwing... your insults or knee jerk reactions.  

It could be a little old lady who uses gaming as a way to relax and keep their mind sharp.  It could be a pregnant woman who has gamed for years and is playing a little more until her baby is born when her time will be cut drastically... it could be a disabled vet who is just attempting to have a bit of fun in their life while they recuperate... "that person" could be a lot of different things and if they are well adjusted your rants don't really mean much to them - but they can still be hurtful.... they can still do harm... there is still no reason for it - really there isn't.  Find another way to vent - it will be better for you and for everyone around you if you do.  

Safe Journey...

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